This Is What Narcissism Looks Like
The Finale
Sat, 01/05/19
K****
09:32 AM: And sorry I’ve called 7 times. I was shocked that it rang. I’ll stop.
09:15 PM: If I could room with you for a bit (I’d buy a futon and stay out of your way) so I could save up money faster to live in e******* *****. I’d really appreciate it. Everyone else is allergic to cats. Literally. I’d pay my Bill’s and half the rent. And I would do my share of the house hold chores easy. I don’t want to live in Louisiana and I think you can understand that more than most. I don’t know what I’m doing. I called you because I’m weak when it comes to you, and then you (I think) unblocked my number. But if you say no, if you say you cant house g****, if you say you cant talk to me right now- that’s okay. I mean it when I say I forgive you, I miss you, and I’ll always be here for you.
Sorry I’m terrible at giving you space. I really am trying. Legit. I just have so many unanswered questions. I feel lost and I feel like you’ve got to kind of feel the same way. Alright. I’m sorry. you’re unblocked. Call me whenever you need me.
Sun, 01/06/19
K****
05:35 AM: Can you at least respond to me? Tell me no, tell me you hate me, anything? I’m honestly stuck in this state where I think you love me and want me Bck and wont talk to me because it hurts.
I just don’t understand why you wont talk to me.
06:14 AM: Just tell me how you feel. So I can know if I can move on. I know I should anyway. But you’re wonderful, and kind and supportive. You’re beautiful. And sexy. I love your hair. I love to listen to you talk. I miss listening to you talk. I cant imagine that you’re not hurting just a little? That I’m the only one in so much pain. Its been over 2 months and I’m still a huge wreck. I mean emotionally. I’m doing great everywhere else.
I want to hear about your day at work. I want to hear about your customers. About your ideas. I want to be your friend again. How do I become your friend again?
08:15 AM: I’m sorry. My counselor says that you still need space. And just because I want to talk doesnt mean you do. I dont resent you. I just hope one day we can talk again
Wed, 01/09/19
From: s********@g********
Date: Wed, 01/09/19 at 04:52 AM
Subject: G******* **********
It’s been a year since ************. I doubt you know that. Or even mourn that. But I wanted you to know to give love or a moment to the flower.
From: s********@g********
Date: Wed, 01/09/19 at 12:36 PM
Subject: Are we friends?
What happened
Thu, 01/10/19
Sun, 01/13/19
K****
04:56 AM: Hey.
Tue, 01/15/19
3 missed calls
1 or more voicemail
K****
04:01 AM: How’ve u been
From: k**********@g********
Date: Tue, 01/15/19 at 06:48 AM
Subject: My cats
Hey. So I got it- you’re not interested. But I do miss my cats. And I’d like to know if they’re okay. I think you unblocked my number and that made me think you wanted to talk to me, but that was dumb.
I do forgive you and I don’t resent you. You had to do you and I’m learning how to do me. I do hope you’re okay. I do hope that everything goes well for you. We might have to talk around tax time tho, so. But yeah I really miss my cats.
Mon, 01/21/19
1 missed call
1 voicemail
From: s********@g********
Date: Mon, 01/21/19 at 07:17 AM
Subject: Re: Student loan
Hey. You ignoring me is getting a bit old and bit childish.
I want my W2s. I can access the starbucks ones online but not the Hilton ones. And yes, I’ve called the Hilton. And I’ll probably have to call again.
I dont want you. I just want my w2s. So I can do my taxes. So I can be less poor. Because I’m living paycheck to paycheck with barely any savings left because my domestic partner forgot he didnt want a relationship.
You are 30. Face the consequences of your actions and talk to me so I can get my taxes done.
I also have to pay 4200 to asu. Money used for your credit card. I see you paid the loan, but that wasnt the issue. and if you communicated with me then this wouldn’t be such a hassle.
So trust me, you’ve fucked me over financially to a point that I dont want to talk to you. But I have to. Because were grown.
I’m tired of being political and being nice like one day you’ll waltz in and well be what we were. We wont.
And I’m not transgender. When I told you I wasnt sure and you yelled at me and got mad at me, that was bs.
I’m gender fluid. And if you really supported me, you would’ve helped me learn who I was and let me take my fucking time with it.
I spent a year trying to please you and make you happy that I forgot how to be happy for myself.
I hope you’re happier now, I do. I mean, I hope you get tested for bipolar and get some antidepressants, but I hope you’re doing well.
So please, for the love of whatever you believe in, send me my w2s so I dont have to talk to you or reach out to you anymore.
Thanks,
K*
A****
12:41 PM: Can you send ky his w2s from the hilton when they come in
17:22 PM: Or even a pic of the doc
Mon, 02/04/19
1 missed call
1 voicemail
Wed, 02/06/19
1 missed call
Fri, 02/08/19
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/08/19 at 06:34 AM
Subject: Fwd: New place, new savings: 15% off.
Crate & Barrel coupon
Mon, 02/11/19
From: s********@g********
Date: Mon, 02/11/19 at 04:21 AM
Subject: Fwd: Reminder: Your Bed Bath & Beyond change of address off is here.
I’m not gunna use these coupons. Stay safe in all that snow up there. And avoid the measles.
I do hope you’re doing okay. I wish we were friends, but I did take the break up pretty bad.
Have a great winter.
Bed Bath & Beyond coupon
1 missed call
K****
01:48 PM:
Wed, 02/13/19
K****
07:10 AM: Hey
From: s********@g********
Date: Wed, 02/13/19 at 09:30 AM
Subject: Fwd: Uh-oh, your ESA Letter is expiring soon!
For vesper
ESA letter offer
Thu, 02/14/19
2 missed calls
Fri, 02/15/19
5 missed calls
K****
09:31 AM: How are you so strong willed? I’m honestly envious of how you dont contact me. I just worry about you too much.
I’m really sorry about all the mean things I said. I was hurt and yada yo. It was mean and I wanted you to want me. Clearly that was the best option.
I miss keeping care of you. I miss the cats. I miss listening to you talk about stuff.
09:32 AM:
09:36 AM: I wonder if you miss me. If you regret breaking up with me. I regret being so clingy. So needy. And so needy on weed. Jesus.
I hope one day we can reunite as friends. I hope all is well with voxx.
I love you.
09:47 AM:
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 10:10 AM
Subject: Re: BABY
On Sun, Jul 15, 2018, 8:20 PM K**** <s********@g********> wrote:
> I LOVE YOU
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 10:10 AM
Subject: Fwd: BABY
———- Forwarded message ———
From: Rastal <r*****@p****>
Date: Fri, Jul 13, 2018, 10:02 PM
Subject: Re: BABY
To: K**** <s********@g********>
Good to hear they’re actually letting you learn things. 😄
And “being too needy” isn’t something you need to worry about from me. I love you and want to be with you, I (usually) don’t feel trapped or forced to be with you (and when I do, it’s usually because of issues I have with everyone, not just you), and I know what it takes to be with you. So you don’t need to worry about me leaving you over being too needy.
😚😚
– Rastal 🦊
On Fri, Jul 13, 2018 at 07:55 PM, K***** <s********@g********> wrote:
> BABY
> BABY
> BABY
> BABY
> I learned things today. I learned how to ACTUALLY do my fucking job..
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 10:12 AM
Subject: Bianca
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 10:16 AM
Subject: What. Happened.
I just dont understand.
We were so close.
The break up was out of the blue.
I just wish you could explain why. Why did we fall apart. Why did you stop loving me. What did I do wrong.
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: Mail
Yo. My mom had my Disney box the whole time. So. You’re off the hook.
I changed my address finally, so you should stop receiving mail. As much anyway. I hope you’re doing well.
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 10:22 AM
Subject: Are you ever going to talk to me again
?
From: k**********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 10:39 AM
Subject: Contact me?
I want to talk. I miss you.
I want to work on a friendship.
I want you in my life.
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 11:45 AM
Subject: It’s for real
Remember when we fumbled around trying to prove how much we loved each other?
When we stopped trying to prove it to ea h other we broke up.
I know your probably annoyed with me.
But. We almost had a family together. We could’ve been happy together.
I just think we should talk.
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 02/15/19 at 11:54 AM
Subject: Fwd: Pics, yo.
———- Forwarded message ———
From: Rastal <r***********@g********>
Date: Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 6:31 PM
Subject: Pics, yo.
To: K**** <s********@g********>
– Rastal 🦊
K****
12:00 PM:
12:03 PM:
Sat, 02/16/19
2 missed calls
K****
05:53 AM: 
06:19 AM:
From: s********@g********
Date: Sat, 02/16/19 at 06:39 AM
Subject: Sorry.
Valentines day hit me hard. Facebook memories reminded me of our nice time at the Melting Pot and putt putt golfing.
It wasnt fair of me to send you those emails. I have this fantasy that you’ll respond to me if I’m persistent enough. Because my persistence is why you loved me, right? (That’s a joke.)
I do believe we were both toxic at the end. The beginning of our relationship was wonderful, but we just… got weird.
I know you dont want a relationship. I know im clinging to something that had been gone for awhile.
I do want to talk. But I get why you wouldn’t.
Sorry I’m always trying to contact you. Sometimes you’re just the only person I want to talk to.
I want to support your choices. And I need to learn to support this choice. Even if I dont really like it.
I’d like updates on my cats. I miss them. I miss you. I miss Seattle. But if/when I go back I’ll be able to take care of myself. So I wont be betrayed and shook to my core again.
Hope well talk again one day. Sorry about all those emails again.
I dont even think you read these. These are all a waste of time. But whatever.
Toodles.
Sun, 02/17/19
2 missed calls
1 missed call from a private number
K****
06:16 AM: 
06:16 AM: 
06:16 AM: Can you tell me anything? How you feel? if you have my w2? If you want me to leave you alone? I spent a year with you and I feel like this is really cruel. We were friends. So I dont get this.
Mon, 02/18/19
From: s********@g********
Date: Mon, 02/18/19 at 11:40 AM
Subject: (No Subject)
Wed, 02/27/19
1 missed call from a private number
Thu, 02/28/19
2 missed calls
K****
09:58 AM:
From: s********@g********
Date: Thu, 02/28/19 at 11:38 AM
Subject: E******* bills
Hey. I’m getting Bill’s for E******* sent to me. I just want to make sure I dont have to pay them and that I dont need to worry about them. If you dont let me know I’ll be calling e******* ****. Thanks.
Fri, 03/01/19
From: Rastal
Date: Fri, 03/01/19 at 10:11 AM
Subject: Re: E******* bills
They’re getting paid.
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 03/01/19 at 10:30 AM
Subject: Re: E******* bills
Thank you.
I’m sorry. It doesnt matter how much I apologize or say I miss you. I know you’re reading these and get my voicemails. I know now that you’ve let me go. Thank you for responding.
Mon, 03/11/19
K****
08:15 AM: 
Wed, 03/13/19
K****
10:22 AM: I’m exhausted. Working WAY too much.
How’s voxx? L*** still work there? How’s o****. Been to the art walk lately?
I got this new cat. Hes g****s cat really. Shes nicer to him than anyone else. And b***, the new cat, is really good with dogs and stuff. A real teddy bear.
I said mean things. But I do think that you should prioritize your mental health. which you did, by removing me.
I’ve got a lot of art around my house. Really miss Seattle tho. Really miss you. You were fun to talk to and hang out with.
I’m directing this play. And being paid for it. So it’s like 2 jobs. It sucks.
I really thought you would talk to me again. You made it sound like you would when I left. And then just nothing. And that still hurts me. That someone who loved me so much just really cut me out in a matter of seconds. I dont think I deserved that. And I dont think you should have kicked me out. And if you honestly dont miss me then like wow. Ges I’m just a sucker.
Well never have that life again. And I’m still healing. I’ll probably be healing for a long time. I just hate that I still worry about you. I still hope you’re doing okay. I wish I could go a day without wondering about you. It drives me insane.
I cant block your number because I’m afraid you’ll need me and I wont be there for you. I want to cut you out. And i just. I cant.
I just wish you would talk with me. Even through email or text so we could talk about stuff. Not crazy stuff. Just like you me us life. Idk.
10:22 AM: I just dont know what I did wrong.
Thu, 03/14/19
2 missed calls
From: s********@g********
Date: Thu, 03/14/19 at 05:32 AM
Subject: Re: Are you ever going to talk to me again
If you dont want to talk to me why is my number not blocked. why are my emails not blocked?
I’m not your parents. I supported you in everything you did I supported you and R*****. I tried my best to make you happy.
I’m just incredibly worried about you.
K****
11:16 AM:
Fri, 03/15/19
From: s********@g********
Date: Fri, 03/15/19 at 08:29 AM
Subject: Re: E******* bills
Why aren’t you talking to me? Like can you at least answer that?
K****
04:52 PM:
Sun, 03/17/19
3 missed calls
K****
11:23 AM: <empty voicemail>
11:27 AM:
12:09 PM: https://ew.com/celebrity/2019/03/17/richard-erdman-community-dead/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=entertainmentweekly_entertainmentweekly&utm_content=link&utm_term=719CD376-48E7-11E9-99EF-4DFDFCA12A29
12:24 PM: Like you doing this to me makes me feel worthless. And that’s not fair. And I hate that. And I want to move as far from you as possible. I dont want to call or cry over you. I want to be strong. But the fact that you cant respect me enough to have a conversation with me about the ASU stuff and our lives is just rude. I am working on cutting you away. Because it’s becoming clear that you dont care about me you dont love me and you dont miss me
05:39 PM: But you can call me at 2 tomorrow
Mon, 03/18/19
K****
06:09 PM: Bleh
Tue, 03/19/19
K****
05:44 PM:
Wed, 03/20/19
K****
07:46 AM: Saw ur mom today
07:46 AM: So if I have to be forced to think of you because of your parents. Then so can you
Thu, 03/21/19
2 missed calls
K****
03:00 PM:
From: Rastal
Date: Thu, 03/21/19 at 07:15 PM
Subject: My Project
Hey,
A couple of months ago I started working on a project about my experiences and our communications during and after our breakup. Most of it’s just texts and emails between us that I copied and pasted without editing (except to remove any personally identifying information), so I wanted to give you a heads up. Hopefully it helps you understand why I haven’t responded.
https://tinyurl.com/yxcamk5c
– Rastal
And with that email I officially launched this project.
